Oct 28, 2010

High Five-Head

As you may have noticed, I have change my layout around quite a bit... hopefully it doesn't assault your eyes toooo much!
This blog is my 'creative outlet' - something I think is important for my overall wellbeing.
Lately however I have been dabbling in other 'outlets'..
One being photography.



So I am using a cheap little digital camera, set on auto mode, and just run around snapping at things with no real clue but my 'artistic eye'.. but it is still fun.
Often I look at other peoples photos, just to compare and take note, and look for flaws I should be avoiding..












(Here are some of the types of photos I have observed)

The Up-Shot.

This one annoys me the most. It makes me pity small children and really short people. There is nothing attractive about looking up someones nostrils.. and tilting your head back so we get a good view of your chin hairs is not going to do it either.
I guess what annoys me the most is that I too have to fight the urge of jutting my chin out (in a hope of losing some extra ones) everytime someone gets snap happy.. KEEP.THAT.CHIN.DOWN! seriously!










The Five-Head.

I stole this term off my BFF, it is used to describe someone with a big fore head.. (five being larger than four - har har). In this case it just means getting to see 60% fore head, 40% face. Think myspace angles and top shots. I am totally guilty of this, trying to leave off a few pounds with a 'flattering' downward angle... the thing is there is a line between flattering angle, and Neanderthal proportions... I have yet to find it :-/











The Photo-bomb.

While photobombing is a popular sport.. it is only funny if it is.. well.. funny! Nothing worse then taking a really great shot of your cutesie wootsie fluffy pal Poochie, then realizing there is some little kid picking his nose in the background. Now you will have to place a proportionally challenged Santa Claus over the top of that little snotter, for this years Christmas Cards, which will possibly distract from Poochies natural beauty! oh the shame!










The Tall-Man.

This is where the photographer thinks the sky is a lot more interesting then their subject, and only gets you from the neck up (not to mention a whole lotta space above).
Perhaps this would work if there was a firework display going on behind you, or someone hang-gliding naked... perhaps even an airplane towing "Will you marry me Sandra?"(especially if your name is Sandra). These would all be sufficient reason to aim that camera skywards, but if none of the above applies, you are hereby guilty of Tall-Man-itis!! (Or you really need to take off your stiletto's).








The Body-Catcher.

This is where the photo-takee manages to catch only shots of your body, and leave your head for the Tall-Man photographers of the world.
Body-Catchers manage to cut out half your face, all your face, half your body, everything but your shoes, your nephew Bradley and your Dad's really bad crew cut.
Body-Catchers are not reliable photographers unless you are one of those people who like to stick their faces on other peoples bodies (ala faceinhole).. in which case they are an endless source of bodies and body parts for your scrapbooking needs!







The Motion-Blur.

"And here is Kate with a monkey on her shoulder.. or.. wait.. is that Kate with her ventriloquist dummy?" either way it seems like Kate has been on a booze fueled bender all weekend with her photographer... and then gone for endless rides on the merry go round!
These fuzz filled photo's serve no purpose other than to imply that something awesome happened, some time, some where, with some people. This is only good if you are celebrity impersonators trying to take some candid shots for the tabloids. If so... carry on... just ignore me.
If not, pop a Ritalin, slow down, and let your camera do its thing!






The Tiny-Tim.

This is one of those shots where you pose next to an awesome billboard, or snuggle up next to a celebrity and yell at the person behind the camera "make sure you get everything in!"
Not only do they get in the important factors, the also include about half a million unimportant factors. The zoom is minimized as far as it can go, they are standing yards away, camera at arms length.. and last minute they decide to put another football field of space between you... just in case.
This photo is the love child of Where's Wally and a doctors office eye test - circling yourself in red marker can be helpful if you have a particularly bad memory like myself, though sometimes I tend to resemble a particularly nasty rain cloud.. so even that strategy has it's flaws.





The SMRAT-Shot.

Ignoring the fact I sometimes do this when driving in a real car, does anyone else ever play racing car games on Xbox or Playstation, and turn their entire body with the controllers when steering? This is what the SMRAT-Shot is a bit like. Those that start playing twister with the camera, or take a portrait photo holding the camera in a landscape position and vice versa. These directionally/spatially challenged people seem to suffer from many other Photography faux paus and should probably not operate heavy machinery.
While I must admit I am not the brightest crayon in the box, and sometimes forget to remove my finger from the lens or charge my battery before a big event, I have yet to stand on my head to take an upside down photo... have you?



So with Halloween, Guy-Fawkes and then Christmas around the corner, I can assume a lot of you will be getting snap-happy in the near future! Just make sure you are not guilty of UFPTBBTDBing! (thank that will catch on? yeah? ...nah)

x Sarah

Ps: Hope noone points out the fact that I am probably guilty of all the above sins!
Pps: Sarah Tarrant takes no responsibility for the awful spelling and grammar in this post, as this is her second attempt thanks to the internet disconnecting just as she pressed "post" the first time. YAY for 4am re-writes -_-

9 comments:

  1. hehe great as always lovely.

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  2. Well i better stop operating heavy machinery :P Love it :)

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  3. I sniggered all the way down this post.

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  4. Haha this is awesome Sarah! Made me giggle :)

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  5. hehe awesome! although you forgot "artistically" zoomed in *snicker*

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