Ball fever!

So it is world cup season, or something to that extent, I have never been one to follow sports closely so you will have to forgive me if I have it totally backwards.
My friends feed on facebook is peppered with patriotic messages and inundated with new profile pictures featuring Tshirts and flags of favourite players and teams.

It is enough to make you barf... well.. me anyway.
So after being involved in a discussion in which I attempted to pinpoint some exact reasoning for my abhorrence towards sport.. I thought I might think about it a little harder, and turn it into a blog.
Okay.. so here it is.. things I dislike about sports.









Enthusiasm.

I can imagine being that enthusiastic about chocolate, or a 50% off sale at your favourite store.. but getting up at 5am to squeeze into some short shorts and a t-shirt, to kick a muddy ball around a field for several hours?
 Or to chase each other up and down a field, only to have someone slam you into the muddy dew soaked ground every few minutes.
Surely the half time oranges aren't that good?


Outfits.

Yep I get that teams need team colours, and people want to 'match', but I seriously can't stand the little skimpy shorts and the over-sized tshirts.
Especially when one assumes they can also double as everyday attire. I am still scarred from somebodies Dad at a school barbecue sitting in some little rugby shorts with his legs wide open. NOT PRETTY.









Smell.

Okay okay so I am getting a bit finicky..
But I just associate sports with the smell of damp earth, trampled grass, sweaty bodies and the sting of cold morning fog. Not to mention when you pack together hundreds of sports fans into the same area, and add the smell of hotdogs, face paint and over excited Dad's foaming at the mouth.
They should bottle that scent and sell it to sport fanatics. I could imagine it as an air freshener dangling from the rear view mirror in their mini-van, consequently full of sports equipment and equally enthusiastic children.






Hype.

Right before a big game people get infected with enthusiasm.. akin to the Zombie Apocalypse one might imagine.
Even the most mundane of people are suddenly prone to high pitched outbursts of tourettes without any warning. You can't go out shopping without being bombarded by themed merchandise. You could probably even  redesign your entire house to match your favorite team if you wanted to.
I just don't get it.  Wearing an all blacks tshirt without washing it for a week is not going to win the game.
The only thing you will win is some peace and quiet when you drive everyone away with your body odour.




Sound.

Okay so this sounds pretty weak too, but seriously I hate the sound of sports.
The grunting and shouting, the cheering and jeering, the blowing of whistles and thudding of feet. It all makes me feel a bit giddy and in need of a drink.
 I turn the music up on Saturdays when I drive past the sports fields, lest I become infected with enthusiasm and can't make it to the hospital in time.







All in all, I get WHY people like sports,  I just have no wish to participate. I can't even stand watching it on TV unless it is something obscure and amusing like Turtle Racing.
I even don't mind a bit of ice skating or gymnastics come Olympics time, but team sports just send me into meltdown mode.

HOWEVER I am willing to compromise.
I solemnly swear I won't continue to rant and rave about how much I loathe sports, if you don't shove your enthusiasm in my face either! deal?
DEAL!





x
Sarah

Men are from Mars..

Hello Again!

I drunkenly attempted to participate in a game of 'Battle of the Sexes' last night.
Not only does this highlight my inability to comprehend, and articulate whilst drunk, but it got me thinking about all the other differences between guys and gals.

Handbags are a big one.

I know *some* guys (such as my hubby) use 'Manbags' - the male equivelent to a womans most cherished possession.
But even those I find lacking. The contents are yawn worthy! Keys, Wallet, Ciggarettes, Mp3 Player, Gum. The End.
MY handbag on the other hand, is always fill to the brim with the 'essentials'.
Don't ask what these are unless you've got all day (& possibly night) - just know the main difference between a girls and a guys handbag, is around 3kg.








Drinks is something different!

Whilst us girls are supping on vodka and orange, raspberry cruisers, vanilla Galliano, Midori and pineapple, Peppermint Schnapps or strawberry Cosmopolitan.. the boys are chugging down beers, whiskey and coke, or rum. BOOOORING, wouldn't an umbrella make that taste just that much better? a twist of lime?, or a swirl of syrup? There are of course the odd ones that blur the lines by drinking outside of their gender designated beverages.. we should shoot them.









Then there are shoes!

My hubby's shoes have holes in them!
He has had about 10 pairs of Chuck Taylors, but wears them one after the other. He uses a pair til they fall to pieces, then replace & repeat!
I however, swear left right and center, that I only wear jandals, but I have atleast three pairs of those, not to mention I have some 'walking shoes', a few pairs of sneakers, some 'going out' shoes, some 'responsible looking' shoes, four pairs of slippers, some sandals and a pair of black cowboy boots. I'm not even what you would call a 'Shoe Person'!!! - the MALE equivilent of a shoe person, would be owning a second pair of sneakers incase the other pair get wet!

and a mans favorite hobby.. Conversations.

Guys:
"Hey Dude, sup?"
"No'much, having a bit of trouble with the missus."
"That sucks bro, wanna play C.O.D?"
"Yeah, sweet"
Girls:
"Hey Becky, what's wrong? you look like somethings on your mind?"
"It's just Matt is being kinda lame, I don't really wanna talk about it."
"Okay hun, but just know I am here if you need me?"
"Well... tell me what YOU think. I was sitting on the couch watching TV when.."
Apparently woman talk twice as much as men do, in the average day.
"It's because we have to repeat everything, because you weren't listening the first time!"
That's my story and I'm sticking to it.


ANYWAY
I could go on forever, girls and guys are like Chocolate and Mustard. But I guess we just have to keep in mind... Opposites Attract! and all that jazz ;)

x
Sarah

Fhweatie!

Hello Again!
As the weather gets colder and colder, I find myself dreaming about a fwheatie. A wheatie with a hole in it for your feet! ingenious!

"Fwheatie"

Alas there is no such thing as a fhweatie.
It is just something really awesome that I wish were real!
Which got me to thinking.... (yes I do that sometimes)
what other things am I missing out on?
So here are some inventions that I really wish existed!

Jet Packs.

Think how convenient that would be, you just zoom to work, and zoom home again. You could get double jet packs, for the directionally challenged, and special jet packs with baby/dog carriers for those with little ones :-) Okay so not the most environmentally friendly idea in the world, but we could fuel em with garbage or really annoying people.
Lets not focus on what would happen if you ran out of gas mid-flight... o_O











Flying Bed.

Speaking of flying, a flying bed would be awesome. You could see the world snuggled up in your blanket, you could sleep in a different country every night! I think I have been watching too much Bedknobs and Broomsticks.. but still.. this plan is fail-proof! (shhh there is no such thing as rain).






Dress'o'matic

I think this one is inspired by part 'Casper' the movie, and part laziness... okay a whole lotta laziness.
How awesome would it be to just stumble out of bed, press a button (casual, smart, work, fancy, sexy, swim wear etc..) and be dressed/made-up and clean in a flash?
Oh the time it would save!
Yes I am aware of all the things that could go wrong with this, but shhh get out of my dream!



Mute Button

This might be my favorite of all. Especially if the mute-ee were unaware of the effect. Smile and nod your way through your parents silent lectures. Tune out your best-friends obsession with Lady Gaga.
I think this invention could go global! I know for sure it would be a hit with all parents ;)







x
Sarah

Brocci-cauli Soup

You know when you say you love or hate something, or someone, then you completely change your mind? but because you made such a fuss about it in the first place, it's too late.. you're forever stuck hating or loving this one thing, or one person - because it's just too damn embarrassing to go back?

Yeah well I believe it's never too late, so here it is, some things that I have changed my mind about since I was a kid!
In no particular order:

Brocci-cauli soup.

 Yeah okay so It was actually PUMPKIN soup, which I swore I hated, but when my grandparents renamed it 'brocci-cauli soup' I guzzled bowls full of the stuff, never once questioning how broccollis and cauliflowers magically became orange.
Anyway, Pumpkin soup is good shit.




Sleeping.

Okay predictable I know, we all love sleeping (don't we?) and we all hated going to sleep when we were younger. I remember trying to count the flowers on the wallpaper til I went cross-eyed, or crawling beneath the sheets, turning round and round and round, then trying to guess which way up I was. Oh what I would give to be ordered to nap three times a day.





Packed Lunches

"Finish your sandwhiches before you go and play!" - Oh how I loathed you stoopid sandwhiches that got in the way of being first in line at the handball court, or getting the first turn with Simon's new chatter-ring.
Now at 'lunch break' I throw back a cup of tea, and savor a cigarette. If I am lucky there will be some leftovers up for grabs.. packing my own lunch is not an option, that requires either getting up EARLIER or having some foresight the night before. Bring back my mommy packed lunchbox. I promise to eat all my crusts!







Dishes.

I used to beg my parents to let me help with the dishes. Oh just trust me enough to dry that plate! I am big enough to be near the hot water, puh-leese! just one more spoon! I know where that goes!
F**k me! If I never wash or dry another dish - it will be too soon.
If I had of known then what I know now, I would have run screaming.









Storms.

Yes, storms were considered hide worthy back in the day. I was terrified of being struck by lightning, or the roof blowing off, or a flash flood washing us to Africa.
Now I find it both soothing and exciting (don't ask how that works!?) - I even listened to a rain soundtrack on loop for over two hours the other day whilst browsing on the net. Yes. True story. Sad story.










Candy overload!

One time I decided to spend ALL my pocket money on 5c candy. I brought home my huge stash (you could buy like a truckload with $5 back then!) - and because I usually gobble all my lollies at once, after which my darling sister would torture me by eating HER lollies painfully in front of me, I decided I would make this packet last!
So I ate two or three lollies, then stashed the rest under my bed for later.
Turns out the ants had the same idea. :-[
After that you could guarantee I would inhale ALL my candy shortly after purchase!

Despite the fact I won't eat gelatinous lollies, if I DID try eat as much candy in one go as I did back then, I would vomit rainbows.


Staying up late.
O_o
Oh wait, that one hasn't changed.. It's 3am..Ooops, time for bed!

Mornings FTL

I hate mornings.
You are probably thinking "who doesn't?"
But I mean I LOATHE mornings. My brain pretty much doesn't switch on til midday, my friends and family can attest to this.

Because of this allergy towards early hours, I usually don't get out of bed 'til well after 10am.
Unfortunately due to having children and a job, there is the odd occasion I HAVE to be out of bed, and usually at some ungodly hour such as 5am. It is never pretty.

The first thing I do when I wake up is shove something edible in my mouth.
I can't function at this point, cooking is out of the question.. so whatever finds its way into my mouth has to be good to go.. if not, well I have eaten some strange things first thing in the morning.

Whilst still chewing I zombie march to the bathroom, where I turn the shower on full blast, and try to drown myself concious.
Another weird fact. I shower in complete darkness. I am not sure exactly why I do this.. I just do.
This can cause the odd complication when it comes to washing my hair and brushing my teeth, I try to keep the essentials in really obvious places to avoid mix-ups, this doesn't always go to plan.

Next port of call is to sit in my towel for half an hour or more, aimlessly refreshing my facebook and email, usually forgetting why I am there, and if I was actually planning on doing anything online at all. Once I have sufficiently filled everyones facebook feeds with mindless comments and posts, and established that not only do I not have any emails, It is highly unlikely anyone will be sending me one at 6 in the morning. I decide I should probably get ready for work.

After my half an hour shower, and half an hour 'browsing' I am pretty much dry, so I stumble around digging through piles of unfolded washing, looking for my uniform and something warm to wear. I have gone to work with my dressing gown on when my search has been fruitless, freezing is not an option.
Seen as I own hardly any jerseys I usually pinch one of my husbands, often I find 'suprises' in the pockets. Either some mislaid coins that for some strange reason find their way into my hand bag, some stray breath mints, or a spare lighter, both of which also magically become mine.

Getting dressed takes me quite a while, mostly because I can never find my clothes, or locate my other shoe. Quite often I put my clothes on inside out, If someone notices I lie and say I got dressed in the dark.
Truthfully I probably just get dressed with my eyes clothes, I am still pretty much asleep at this point.

As mentioned in previous posts I shave my eyebrows off and draw them on, this is probably the most difficult task of the morning, more often than not I go to work with uneven eyebrows, I figure the old people I care for probably don't have good enough eyesite to notice, and my co-workers are used to my strange ways.

Last of all I make a dash for the car. It is always FAREEZING outside this early, and I am not a happy chappy. Do you know how long it takes for car heaters to warm up? FOREVER. I am usually halfway to work before they kick in, by which time I am a chattering mess.
My way of coping? turning the radio up so loud my brain rattles. The rattling movement provides some heat.. if not I can't hear to think, so I can't think about being cold, ingenious.

Sucks when I hop back in the car after work and forget how loud my stereo is set though. Oops.

x
Sarah

Whybrows?

I have been shaving my eyebrows off for quite some time now, years even. 
But still, when asked, I couldn't tell you WHY.
Maybe because I like the look, though half the time I don't bother with any.
Maybe because I can't be bothered with weekly plucking... although I end up having to shave them most days anyway.

What I CAN tell you.. is that eyebrows are there to stop sweat running into your eyes (learnt that the hard way!) and help with displaying readable body language.

For example:

Calm.

Bemused.

Suprised.

Angry.

Worried.

See?!

I have never been able to do the quizzical eyebrow up, eyebrow down look. Of this I am quite jealous.. atleast now I can draw them that way and spend the day making up for it.

You have to be careful though, just because you don't do mornings, doesn't mean you want to spend the rest of the day looking like you hate the world.

Oh and then there is the hazard of mixing drawn on eyebrows with drunken friends.. they sort of want to use you like an etch-a-sketch, the results are almost always disastrous.

x Sarah