Later-land

Procrastination 

Procrastinating about writing this blog, is an example of procrastination.
(To tell you the truth I have been addicted to 'Mall World' and every waking moment that I spend on the computer is spent buying and selling clothes for my avatar's shop and trying to make a profit to buy more clothes for her ever expanding wardrobe. Yes, I know.. scintillating.)

Another example is the fact that none of my dishes are done, nor the clothes on my couch folded.. I have half put away the kids toys they strew around the room.. and that is just the tip of the iceberg.
I have half finished craft projects jumbled willy nilly with other half finished artistic pursuits. A half sewn soft toy, a half painted picture, Half a written letter and a scrapbook half fulled. It seems I get to starting these things, then decide to finish them off 'later'.

When is this later? Later must be a very busy time indeed, for all the things I have proposed to do in this selected time frame. I am sure I am not the only one in this world that insists they will do something later.




Here are a few things that I believe forever live in Later-land.........

A million unwritten essays 


"I will just watch the latest episode of Glee, and then I HAVE to paint my toenails because they are just looking very dull and it's so hot lately so I will be wearing sandals all the time, so we can't have them looking shabby now can we?" 












Un-confessed feelings

" I promise I will tell Bobby I love him, just not today.. today is a bad day because his Grandma died 3 months ago and I am sure he is still upset about it, and it just seems so rude to have moved on already and be thinking about love ya'know? not to mention he hurt his ankle on Saturday so I don't want to overload his brain with more things to think about.. I am just being a good friend! It's not because I don't want to tell him, it's because I CARE about him!"

Dentist visits 


"I know I should get my teeth looked at, it's just that it stopped hurting when I took 4 panadol 2 morphine and a tranquilizer dart to the face. So surely that means it has fixed itself.. if it starts hurting again later I will think about it, actually you know there is no point calling this time of year anyway.. everyone gets their teeth fixed around christmas time so they look good, when they are ya'know... caroling..."









Christmas Shopping



"I will get it done soon, no point rushing out now, it's still early yet, besides everyone does their shopping early, they think that everyone will be doing it last minute, but the trick is, that EVERYONE presumes everyone else will be slack and they in turn will be prepared, leaving the last minute shopping prime time open for smart people who have thought it through thoroughly such as myself. Oh f**k where did all these people come from?"
 






Diets un-started (or finished!)


 I am definately going on a diet soon, but with christmas just around the corner there would be no point starting JUST yet... after christmas... well there is all the left overs.. and then New Years with all that booze would be the absolute WORST time, but in the New Year, yes starting January! oh wait that is Megan & Charlie's wedding, and they will have the BEST catering money can buy - it would be a shame to waste all that food! Oh well maybe next years resolution will be start my diet! this years will be... wear less... fuchsia.






At the end of the day... if I die tomorrow, I would rather miss out on a bunch of unfinished chores and homework, then all of the good stuff! I guess that is why some people eat dessert before their dinner.. you only live once right?

High Five-Head

As you may have noticed, I have change my layout around quite a bit... hopefully it doesn't assault your eyes toooo much!
This blog is my 'creative outlet' - something I think is important for my overall wellbeing.
Lately however I have been dabbling in other 'outlets'..
One being photography.



So I am using a cheap little digital camera, set on auto mode, and just run around snapping at things with no real clue but my 'artistic eye'.. but it is still fun.
Often I look at other peoples photos, just to compare and take note, and look for flaws I should be avoiding..












(Here are some of the types of photos I have observed)

The Up-Shot.

This one annoys me the most. It makes me pity small children and really short people. There is nothing attractive about looking up someones nostrils.. and tilting your head back so we get a good view of your chin hairs is not going to do it either.
I guess what annoys me the most is that I too have to fight the urge of jutting my chin out (in a hope of losing some extra ones) everytime someone gets snap happy.. KEEP.THAT.CHIN.DOWN! seriously!










The Five-Head.

I stole this term off my BFF, it is used to describe someone with a big fore head.. (five being larger than four - har har). In this case it just means getting to see 60% fore head, 40% face. Think myspace angles and top shots. I am totally guilty of this, trying to leave off a few pounds with a 'flattering' downward angle... the thing is there is a line between flattering angle, and Neanderthal proportions... I have yet to find it :-/











The Photo-bomb.

While photobombing is a popular sport.. it is only funny if it is.. well.. funny! Nothing worse then taking a really great shot of your cutesie wootsie fluffy pal Poochie, then realizing there is some little kid picking his nose in the background. Now you will have to place a proportionally challenged Santa Claus over the top of that little snotter, for this years Christmas Cards, which will possibly distract from Poochies natural beauty! oh the shame!










The Tall-Man.

This is where the photographer thinks the sky is a lot more interesting then their subject, and only gets you from the neck up (not to mention a whole lotta space above).
Perhaps this would work if there was a firework display going on behind you, or someone hang-gliding naked... perhaps even an airplane towing "Will you marry me Sandra?"(especially if your name is Sandra). These would all be sufficient reason to aim that camera skywards, but if none of the above applies, you are hereby guilty of Tall-Man-itis!! (Or you really need to take off your stiletto's).








The Body-Catcher.

This is where the photo-takee manages to catch only shots of your body, and leave your head for the Tall-Man photographers of the world.
Body-Catchers manage to cut out half your face, all your face, half your body, everything but your shoes, your nephew Bradley and your Dad's really bad crew cut.
Body-Catchers are not reliable photographers unless you are one of those people who like to stick their faces on other peoples bodies (ala faceinhole).. in which case they are an endless source of bodies and body parts for your scrapbooking needs!







The Motion-Blur.

"And here is Kate with a monkey on her shoulder.. or.. wait.. is that Kate with her ventriloquist dummy?" either way it seems like Kate has been on a booze fueled bender all weekend with her photographer... and then gone for endless rides on the merry go round!
These fuzz filled photo's serve no purpose other than to imply that something awesome happened, some time, some where, with some people. This is only good if you are celebrity impersonators trying to take some candid shots for the tabloids. If so... carry on... just ignore me.
If not, pop a Ritalin, slow down, and let your camera do its thing!






The Tiny-Tim.

This is one of those shots where you pose next to an awesome billboard, or snuggle up next to a celebrity and yell at the person behind the camera "make sure you get everything in!"
Not only do they get in the important factors, the also include about half a million unimportant factors. The zoom is minimized as far as it can go, they are standing yards away, camera at arms length.. and last minute they decide to put another football field of space between you... just in case.
This photo is the love child of Where's Wally and a doctors office eye test - circling yourself in red marker can be helpful if you have a particularly bad memory like myself, though sometimes I tend to resemble a particularly nasty rain cloud.. so even that strategy has it's flaws.





The SMRAT-Shot.

Ignoring the fact I sometimes do this when driving in a real car, does anyone else ever play racing car games on Xbox or Playstation, and turn their entire body with the controllers when steering? This is what the SMRAT-Shot is a bit like. Those that start playing twister with the camera, or take a portrait photo holding the camera in a landscape position and vice versa. These directionally/spatially challenged people seem to suffer from many other Photography faux paus and should probably not operate heavy machinery.
While I must admit I am not the brightest crayon in the box, and sometimes forget to remove my finger from the lens or charge my battery before a big event, I have yet to stand on my head to take an upside down photo... have you?



So with Halloween, Guy-Fawkes and then Christmas around the corner, I can assume a lot of you will be getting snap-happy in the near future! Just make sure you are not guilty of UFPTBBTDBing! (thank that will catch on? yeah? ...nah)

x Sarah

Ps: Hope noone points out the fact that I am probably guilty of all the above sins!
Pps: Sarah Tarrant takes no responsibility for the awful spelling and grammar in this post, as this is her second attempt thanks to the internet disconnecting just as she pressed "post" the first time. YAY for 4am re-writes -_-

Trick or trick?

Hello again my loyal minions! *cough* I mean faithful friends!

With Halloween just around the corner, I have been putting some thought into my costume for our annual party.
Halloween is a really exciting event for myself and fellow friends, we love a chance to embrace the macabre and load on the scary makeup and accessories!
Unfortunately I still have no idea what to dress as, but I do have a lot of reject ideas!










Lady Gaga





Personally I am not a huge fan, but with all her crazy outfits and unusual style, she is definitely classed as a 'costume'.
Unfortunately her most controversial outfit is a bit out of my reach.
Being a vegetarian her "Meat dress" look is a little hard to pull off, as the only meat in my house is frozen fish fillets for the kids.
I can imagine this outfit would be a little on the uncomfortable side.. although if people get peckish we could always throw a few in the microwave?







Vampire

With Twilights international fame, the definition of 'Vampire' has changed quite a bit since Nosferatu's day. This does make dressing as a Vampire a heck of a lot easier as all I would need would be a big tub of body glitter.. but the possibility of death by 'Team Jacob' rivals, wearing their mothers fur coats and brandishing stakes, or Edward obsessed tweens with a Bella complex... is dangerously high. I think I will give this one a miss!







Michael Jackson



I was thinking a Zombie Micheal Jackson might be a cool idea ie; his Thriller video from earlier days..
But then I realized this could be misconstrued as a bit tongue in cheek, after the King of Pop's demise. I might give die hard fans a heart attack, or be attacked by a giant Pea Shooter or Cherry Bomb.. (please excuse my geeky Plants vs Zombies reference!)




Witch

This is always my go to costume, but I expect my friends would not be happy if I chose this outfit for Halloween. The only deviation from my everyday garb, is that I might don a hat and grab a hold of the kitchen broom. Not the most spectacular of efforts. I could however set a trap for a neighborhood cat and tie it to my broom?* the wounds I would no doubt receive for my efforts would surely get me points for trying? On second thoughts the only cat I have seen around lately is a rather large and fierce looking bobtail cat.. the odds stack highly in favor of the cat.. lets be honest I am a total wuss.





Ghost


Now this is an age old costume. Materials: 1 sheet, 1 pair of scissors = tada!.
Unfortunately the only sheets in the house are colorful gaudy things, either floral and inherited from my Nana's closet, Ugly unwanted hand-me-downs from various family members, or mismatched assorted colors.. none of them white.
I guess I could go as a ghost with a sunburn? Grandma Ghost? Invisible Ghost? Ghost that ate too much Halloween candy and now feels quite likely to vomit?
All these are viable options, but I am not sure how well I can drink with a sheet over my head. I would have to add a hole for a straw, no doubt about it.



Popular Youtube viral's


With options such as; Double Rainbow, Tay Zonday, David After the Dentist, Charlie the Unicorn, Very Angry Cat, Tourettes Guy or Chubby Cuppy Cake Boy (to mention but a few)
Unfortunately the only one I have any chance of really pulling off successfully is the last one. Lets just not go down that road.







So.. as you can see, my costume ideas have not really been all that successful just yet.
Feel free to help with better suggestions any time you like :P
Til next time,
x Sarah


* Please note I would never actually tie a cat to anything!... except maybe an escapee tiger, to something very very far away from me :D

Phobiaschmobia

So a few weeks back, I offered to paint my 3 year old son's face. His Dad (curse him!) suggested a clown, and so it was settled.





Of course admiring my artwork later whilst snapping photos - I reveled in how creepy clowns really are.. I can definitely understand why people have an aversion to them.











Coulrophobia
'A fear of Clowns'

When I looked up the word 'phobia', it was described as 'an unreasonable fear of something'.
While I get that Clowns are supposed to be funny and harmless, I can't help but think of IT and Pennywise the clown! In that respect I think Coulrophobia is perfectly reasonable, with their creepy manic laughs and over the top behaivour.. it is enough to send even the toughest nut running!









On that note, here are some Phobias I do find a tad on the 'unreasonable' side!

Althaiophobia


'A fear of Marshmallows'

What? Personally I don't eat Marshmallows because they are made from Gelatine, which in turn is made up from pretty pony legs. But that aside.. what did the big fluffy Marshmallow ever do to you? aside from being big and fluffy and squashing you with his sugary marshmallowy goodness until your brains come out your ears?
Don't be such a Marshmallowist!









Lachanophobia


'The fear of Vegetables'

I am pretty sure all my sisters past boyfriends have this phobia. Actually, most men in general. I know my son takes careful bribery and the comparison of the dull vegetables to more interesting things (peas = wheels, brocolli = trees etc) before they will begrudgingly be ingested.
But brussel sprouts aside, the only thing scary about vegetables, is your mother force feeding them to you!










 Melanophobia

'The fear of the colour Black'

Whatever this is, I have the opposite as my entire wardrobe is decked out in this colour.
I guess in some ways it is associated with death and dying, funerals and gothics etc. But think of all the awesome things that are this colour, liquorice, blackberries.. uh.. the road?
Okay so it isn't the most upbeat colour in the spectrum.. or even technically a colour.. but personally I find it soothing.. and we all know a little black dress is the most flattering item in a girls wardrobe!





Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia

'The fear of Long Words'

This is probably my favourite with it's ironic name. I can see where you would get stuck, Supercallafragalisticexpielladoshis is always a tongue tangler, and spelling it is near impossible (I am sure I spelt it wrong myself).. but big things need love too! poor littlebig word sitting all alone in the corner! can we all say Aww?










Cacophobia
'The fear of Ugly People'

There are a few celebrities I won't name who seem to have this phobia, and only associate themselves with people they consider to be good looking. What they don't realize is that their shallow, conceited behavior actually makes them appear pretty UGLY in my eyes.. HAH! JOKES ON YOU PAR.... er ANONYMOUS CELEBRITY!










Consecotaleophobia


A fear of Chopsticks.

Okay I will admit these buggers are hard to use, but that is all the fun of them! plus you can use them to do your hair, to mimic a walrus, to poke neighboring diners, as dinner time drumsticks, to duel any ready for combat opponents.. the list goes on.
Chopsticks are win! And don't forget the really catchy, hardly annoying at all.... much, theme song on the piano.. always a party pleaser :D










So you see? while some Phobia's are rather laughable, and others far more serious... ALL phobias are probably very real and REASONABLE for the sufferer!
So while I may laugh at my bestfriends psych out dance when a Moth flutters by, I should probably be a bit more understanding!

x
Sarah





(For those who think they are being unduly affected by a phobia and would like more help, check out http://www.phobias-help.com/

^_^ments

 HellOoo Again!
When tough shiz happens, it is very easy to 'wallow' in it. I think in my previous life I used to be a hippopotamus or something because I am pretty much expert at it!
But as they say, when life gives you lemons, cut them up and do tequila shots!

Anyway as I have decided to get out of my emotional FUNK.. here are some of the simpler things I enjoy in life.. ie; things that make me pull a face similar to this one ^_^

NOT running out of Tee-Pee!

That moment when you run out of toilet paper in a public place... and after a few moments of intense panic, you spot an extra roll up on the window sill! I imagine a fanfare when I sight the most likely 1-ply roll of awesomeness perched loftily above me.. I imagine it retorting with "hah! you though you were @!%$ed didn't you?"
I don't mind Mr TP's sarcastic tone, nor the fact he is no doubt akin to sandpaper... at this moment, as far as I am concerned, he is 24 karat gold!





Unexpected 'Pocket' Money.


I am not talking the kind your parents doled out in return for completion of the most menial tasks they can concoct.. I am talking about slipping back into that winter coat, or the jersey that was lost under your bed for months.. and your fingers enclosing around something foreign in one of the pockets.
Your left eyebrow raises a fraction, your heart beats a little faster, and your fingers clamp down on their prize. SCORE a $5 note! oh the things you can buy! oh the things you have missed out on, how have you survived without this papery little gem in your life?
Never mind the fact your bank account has probably 5 times the amount (maybe with a minus in front of it, if it is anything like mine!) THIS MONEY, is THE MONEY.. what ever you choose buy with it will be subsequently more valuable.. because you brought it with the 'pocket' money!
Second best to the 'pocket' money, is the 'pocket' lighter. Of course it's value is circumstantial and based loosely on your personal habits and how apt you are at rubbing two sticks together. For me however.. it is a gift from above.

The Sleep-in.

The people who will appreciate this the most, are probably those that are; parent's, hold a 9-5 type job, suffer insomnia, have a rocky relationship with their alarm clock, or simply LOVE sleep (like me!)
Bed just feels so much better when you know you'd usually be (or should be) elsewhere. Knowing others are rubbing their eyes furiously, chugging down coffee by the bucketful, mentally berating their brain for refusing to function, and moving zombie-like through the motions, really it's the icing on the cake. Call me cruel, but I derive more satisfaction from a few hours sleep-in, then I do from a solid nights sleep. It. just. feels. good.







Early Birthday Presents.

Growing up I had grandparents who forever got my birthday date mixed up with my mothers, whos birthday was a month earlier than mine. If not that, they just randomly gave me a present some couple of months into the year. Considering my birthday falls near the very end - it was an impressive effort.
There is nothing as rewarding, as checking the mailbox, expecting your usual compilation of bills and mailers, and discovering a gaudily wrapped package with your name on it!
Sure you might be down a present when your birthday eventually ticks around.. but to hell with it.. two birthdays trump one! (even if I am met with only eye rolls, when I pronounce it is my 'early birthday' and therefore I can claim special privileges all day!)




Meeting your 'Twin'. 


ZOMG we have the same shoe size! or the same initials! maybe we just have black hair, wear glasses and have an undeniable hankering for indie music and computer games.
What ever it is, it is always really really exciting to find that person that shares something in common with you, maybe because we all see ourselves as so different from everyone else, feel we didn't quite fit with the mold when God's production line was running...
Just as long as this person is not bordering on identity theft, it is usually grounds for instant friendship - Gotta love that! ;)







Peace out,
X Sarah
(Ps; leave a comment or I will send you hatemail)

EMOtional

 Oh hai!
After a week long jaunt in hospital (appendix out yada yada), I am prescribed a bagful of painkillers, one of which has a street value of around $200 (Hubby worked that out, I wasn't trying to pawn them off! honest!) that's how strong they are..

Now that the majority of the pain has gone I can return to my regular old self.. no more filling in crosswords with gobble-de-gook and fading in and out of conversations, I am even trying not to sleep the ENTIRE day away .. starting tomorrow..

 But taking all those meds have taken their toll.. I feel a tad "emotional" today.








Some of the tear provoking things that have happened today....

 I remembered Bobby Long has a girlfriend... 


Damn I had this one firmly locked down with a good ol dose of denial. *sigh* Don't celebrities know they aren't supposed to lead personal lives? The only action they should be getting is in our dreams.. with us!














My son's gingerbread man lost it's head...


He was so proud of his gingerbread man he brought back from daycare, with raisins haphazardly squished into it's wonky little body.. that when the head spiraled towards the carpet in an act of pure rebellion, I actually teared up a little. He too was upset, but as soon as he realized that the head could now be conveniently consumed he cheered up. I still feel slighted by that sly piece of biscuit.






My computer game timed out...

Why is it, whenever I most need distraction from reality, technology snubs me? My game kept losing synch, everyone on facebook had fallen into some unrelenting coma (or just had better things to do?...nah)After refreshing frontier ville for the billionth time, and then realizing that my crops had now withered because I hadn't been there to harvest them in time.... I closed the browser in defeat.









A sad song played on my itunes...



Yes I know, a sad song can get to the best of us.. but this song wasn't even particularly sad, I am not even sure what they were singing about... I just felt sad for the sake of feeling sad, and if I wanna feel sad I am gonna damnit!





It was about this point I decided to just give up on today.
Think I might watch a soppy movie and give myself a genuine excuse for some waterworks!

x
Sarah

Conversadists.

Yes I know, I haven't posted in FOREVER.. You get to the point where you can't think of anything clever to say, or interesting to talk about.. and the more you think about it, the worse it gets.. it even gets to the point where you consider writing about how wrong it is that your Aunty was wearing Thursdays socks on a Wednesday!

Anyway.. I read an article about joke telling, and how there are the type who drag them out, or get them wrong, or simply make it out to be funnier than it is.. and while all these techniques kill a joke flat, there are far more abominal crimes...

 FOR EXAMPLE...



Answering rhetorical questions!

As clever as you may sound, the only thing that separates adults from children, is the ability to turn everything into an "I am right, you are wrong" lecture. Don't overthrow the hierarchy by outwitting them, it upsets the stability of the universe.. or... something.









Answering somebodies deep and meaningful question with more than a "Hmmm".

While your five page essay on the sounds trees make( regardless of who is there to hear them), is no doubt enthralling.. I prefer to stay ignorant if it means my audiences inability to comprehend or even answer my questions makes me look smarter than them. Go away bubble burster!









Turning a light convo, into something dark and gloomy!

 "I got a new kitten today!"
"I kill kittens".
*back away slowly*














But of all the conversational errs.. the worst might have to be the part where you say something witty.. and it flies right over the other persons head.
Murphy's law.. nothing is ever as funny the second time around, and no one is ever there to witness all the really good jokes :-(

When it rains, it pours!

It's about time I break the blog drought!
And what better way, then a blog about rain?



So.. while I feel like I have been immensely busy lately, I can't complain, because not long ago I was complaining about being bored out of my tree.
which brings me to my next topic.
Have you ever noticed, when it comes to your personal life, there are only two speeds? snail mode, or speed of light!













Dating.


For example, dating!
You could be woefully single, all your friends seem to be in relationships, you resort to re-reading last years valentines cards, and sing along to the Exponents in your bedroom whilst cuddling your favorite teddy bear... or you have so many boys to juggle, you could show the circus a thing or two!.. "I like this one guy, but his bestfriend likes me, and then there is that totally creepy guy who keeps putting baby birds in my letter box... where is the middle ground? the handsome hunk who has eyes for noone else, and scares off all other guys in a ten mile radius? yeah well, lets be honest, he probably sparkles.

















Work.


Either you are begging for work, SOMETHING to get you some extra pocket money.. you even consider hocking off your pokemon collection on trademe it gets that bad.. OR you are permanently screening calls from work asking you to cover yet ANOTHER shift.. sleep? who needs it? everyone has the bubonic plague, and didn't you know? you are the last person they can ask, which means it is ALL DOWN TO YOU! you might as well live there!






Social Events



So you feel like a social pariah, your calendar looks like a vast desert.. you can actually see the tumble weeds blowing past the weeks. You find yourself staring longingly at your friends facebook photos, pictures of them partying it up large while you are stuck at home.. why is everybody doing things on the nights you can't? why is everyone busy on your only saturday off? you wonder if they would notice if you didn't sign into facebook for an entire weekday?? it's time to get drastic!
Or you are avoiding your mothers calls because what with work, Sonja's party, Chris's 21st, Amy's baby shower, Dan & Danni's wedding, Cheap Tuesdays at the bar and Eric's flatwarming (that is rumoured to be an all weekender).. you barely have time to breath, eat or sleep let alone call her back to talk about good washing weather, and wether the family dog might have Alzheimers.

I am pretty sure everything in my life follows this simple rule.
"If it's not calm then it's chaos"
am I the only one???